Emotions vs. Truth

Hello Everyone,
It has been a while since I have blogged about anything. I thought I would write something that has been on my heart for a while. It is the difference between what my emotions are telling me, and what I know to be the truth of God's word. We are constantly battling these two things. So I am going to write firstly my raw emotion with a blatant disregard for the truth, and then re-write the whole thing through the truth of God's word. This might get ugly, but it is ok, cause God loves us through the ugly times.

This stinks. This whole situation with our judge stinks. We have been waiting for months to hear from him about our case, and it has sucked. We assumed that we would have an answer as soon as six weeks and as late as three months, and instead it has been almost six months. He told us that we had to wait until I was 25, and when that time came, nothing. Our lawyer keeps telling us just a little while longer, but it feels like it is not gonna happen. Because the law says I have to be 20 years older than Abby to adopt her, and I am not, us getting adoptions is hopeless. We are not going to get adoptions, and we are going to be stuck in Cambodia for the rest of our lives (remember this is just emotional). There is no reason for us to be here. Everything we are doing here, we could be doing in the States with our family close by. God is not answering our prayers. He has forgotten about us. I want to go home. I want to be with my family. I want to put down roots and begin my life. This whole time in Cambodia has felt like limbo, and we are just stuck in perpetual waiting and never any consistency.

Ok. Goodness gracious. Allowing those thoughts to remain in your mind would drive anyone crazy. I am so blessed by the Psalms in this respect, because David lays it out there with God. He feels like God has forgotten him, and so he tells God, "Why have You forgotten me!?" God is not offended by this, but He gently reminds us of the truth. So here is the truth.

This situation does stink. But! God tells us that He can use any and all situations for our good if we trust Him (Romans 8:28). This doesn't mean we always get the answers we want or the pace we want, but it does mean that there is a purpose for us having to wait. I don't know what it is, but I don't have to know what it is, because I trust in the One who does. The laws do say that I have to be 20 years older than Abby, but God does not abide by mans laws, and I know He will make a way, if it is according to His will. The adoptions are not hopeless, because I believe in a God of hope. As far as being stuck in Cambodia, there is no place better than the will of God. For us, it is easier to determine where God wants us to be, because we have no choice in the matter. This should bring me a peace. We know that this is where God wants us for the time being, for this season (however long it may be), and that makes life simple. We can simply obey and continue the work God has for us here. And yes, we will always be doing the work of discipleship and spreading the gospel wherever God has us, so why is it a surprise to me that the things we are doing here apply to anywhere we live. I could lead worship, in the States. I could disciple people, in the States. I could teach, in the States. But, I am here, and God has seen fit to have me use my talents around the world, instead of in the States. Why? I don't care why... Why is a stupid question. You never get good, satisfying answers by asking "why." You just get more worries and anxiety. I'm sure someday, either this side or the other of eternity, I will have the answers to all the "why" questions, but for now, I trust. Kelsi and I were talking about how much we can relate to the Israelites in the wilderness. It does feel like we are wandering and just waiting, and yes, it is hard to put down roots in another country, especially when you don't feel called to be in that country forever, but what is the truth here? We are not meant to put roots down anywhere on this world. We are sojourners here. Our home is a heavenly home, and these "roots" I am referring to are really just the things that Jesus said to let go of to follow Him. Not one of us should be so connected somewhere that we are unwilling to leave it all behind for Christ. The longing I have to put roots down will not ever be satisfied completely until it is in my eternal home, anything else is temporal and fading. Finally, God has not forgotten us. He has answered our prayers in the past, and I believe He is answering our prayers now, in His perfect way. I would never ask that He give me exactly what I want, knowing that He has always worked everything out in the best way, with my best interest in mind.

This is the truth. And in all my emotions and worries and anxieties, this is what I am reminded of daily. So even though it is hard to hear sometimes, I know there is comfort in these words, when I truly believe them. I hope that I have not offended anyone with the first paragraph. I know God is not offended, cause He told me so. Thank you all for your prayers during this time and season in our lives. They are such a blessing to us.

BecauseHeLives
(I can face tomorrow, all fear is gone, I know He holds the future, and life is worth living)
Micah.