This year has been the year of transition for our family. I
would like to say we are handling it with grace but, honestly, these last four
months have been the hardest of my life.
You would think by now that I would know not to make plans! But, alas,
we are human and this is just how we work!
I have been selfish though. Through all of the stress that has come with
Micah going to the States and not getting our I-130s when we thought we would I
have been so selfish! I haven't thought about how the girls were handling
things or what would be best for them. I have just been surviving! Which, I know
most of you would come back and tell me that this is okay and that "this
too shall pass" and that we will get through this, and yes, I believe this
is all true but what was supposed to be three months has now turned into four
months going on five! I can tell from
the things the girls are saying that we have been in transition and without
anything stable for too long. My Abby
thrives on routine and our lives have been everything but routine lately.
So, all that being said, I am writing this blog to pave a
way for my girls to finish off this season of our lives well. Once again we can see the light at the end of
the tunnel… maybe it is just another train coming and we will have to stop and
wait for it to pass or maybe it is really the end of the tunnel. I really have
no clue but regardless my children need something stable to lean on as we
continue on this crazy crazy ride.
I have been talking to some very wise people lately and
reading up on things my children are going through and will be going through as
we transition to America and the term that just keeps coming up is TCK. (Third
Culture Kids-a child who has lived or is living in a country other than their passport country for a long period of time) I
didn't really think this applied to us because the girls are living in their
passport country. But even so, Micah and I are American and we have raised them
as Americans knowing that going back to the States was our end goal. So, just living in our household brings the
girls out of Cambodia and sort of into America.
I bring this up because the simple question "Where are
you from?" is very difficult for a TCK. Add in the word "home" and
all sorts of confusion breaks loose. If
I asked you "Where is your home?" you would most likely be able to
tell me with just a few words and very little thought or emotion. But to a TCK
and to my girls this question is extremely difficult. Do you mean where I was born? Where I live
now? Where I have spent the most time? Where I want to be? We asked Abby the other day where she thinks
home is and she said here in Cambodia. I then asked Lily and she said it is
just wherever Micah and I are. I know that their answers will be different at
different stages of their lives too.
So, as we prepare to make our way to the United States, I am asking you, as you meet and talk with my girls please
be sensitive to the fact that they may not be super ecstatic to be going to America
at the moment that you are talking to them. They might be missing Cambodia a
lot once we are there. They might be confused about where home is. My girls, being adopted and from a culture that calls everyone aunt or uncle, even
have trouble sometimes understanding who their family is.
I want my girls to thrive. I want them to connect with people that love them. I want them to transition as well as possible. I am going to put some helpful links on this post for anyone who wants to further their understanding of what my girls (and even Micah and I at times) are going through and how to connect better with them.
Thanks for your time and understanding.
Kelsi
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