This is a shameless blog about how much I love my wife. If you are not in the mood for a mushy, gushy blog, then I suggest you let this one slip.
It is exactly five days and four hours until I get to see my wife again. There have been a few people who have told me that they have spent up to month(s) (that is plural) separate from their spouse, and I think that is unbearable.
I want to start by first saying that I am very glad that my wife was able to go back to the States and spend time with family and friends, and re-charge (she had not made a trip back since we came in June 2012). I know how important it is to leave right. We came to Cambodia and stayed longer than we expected (God wasn't surprised), and there is a certain amount of closure that I think helps, when you are able to be in the States and leave, knowing that you will not be back for a while (a long while). I say all of this, so that you don't think that I didn't want Kelsi to go. I am glad she went, and I am glad that she is coming back in five days, three hours, and fifty-five minutes.
I have had many people ask me how I am doing with the girls and such, and my answer has been, "Things are good. We are eating and sleeping. The girls are great." And that is true, Kelsi and I have a great routine for bedtime, morning time, eating time, and so all of these things go on. Kelsi made it even easier, because she made me a bunch of pre-cooked meals, that I only needed to heat up, and we have had great dinners. People have asked me whether I need help with food, and I have answered truthfully... no, because Kelsi took care of it--even I can throw something in a pan and heat it up. So, I have been fine, the girls have been great. We are surviving.
I think that people like to be valued. Part of being valued is being missed. I think when people leave, they secretly hope that things don't go so well, because they want to know that they play a key role. Kelsi and I both have a flaw. It is called 'pride' technically, but it shows itself in not wanting to be needy and ask for help. We put on a brave face, and only when things are completely unbearable, do we ask for assistance (yes, I know we need to work on it, but there has to be other people in the world who need more help than us). The point is that things have not been super great. There is a huge part of our family gone. I am not wanting to complain or make anyone, especially Kelsi, feel bad, but I want everyone to know that when my partner in crime, and life sharer is away, things do not just move on like normal. She is my heart. She shoulders the load of life with me, and sometimes carries me on her back on top of the load. Without her, everyday seems a little less beautiful. My bed is empty, other than Muggy, and he is a poor substitute.
I find it funny the way people sometimes talk about their spouses, and you almost want to step in and say, wait, you should talk about God that way, it is almost blasphemous to talk about your wife that way. You are wrong. My relationship and love of my wife is a reflection of Christ's love for the church. And the deeper I love my wife, the better I understand Christ's love for us. Of course I love God more than my wife, don't be silly. To say that I need her and love her more than all the gold in the world, is both truthful and not blasphemous.
God saw Adam in the garden and said, we should make him a partner that is suitable for him. I know that God has different callings for some people, and Paul would say that it is better to remain single, but God looked down and saw me, and said, he needs a partner suitable for him, and He sent Kelsi to me. Some people have fallen off of the "true love/soul mate" wagon, because they say we don't have one perfect person for us. They say that this mindset has led to divorces, because people get married and then find their "soul mate," and it is not their wife or husband. They also say that this idea has put fear into people who now think that they might chose the wrong person. In reality, we get to make the choice and it should be based on wisdom not emotions, I agree with all of those things. But, as a very wise and beautiful woman once said, "It is kind of like the whole free will versus predestined argument. God chose us, because He knew that we would choose Him. In the same way, God knew who you would choose to marry all along, and so they are the person that God had for you all along." - Kelsi Bergen. She is the person that God had for me. He knew who I needed, and he brought her to me. In a time when I thought I knew everything, God came and said, "Nope. This girl is the person who will help you grow into the man that I really want you to be." She is humble and faithful. She is gentle, but she does not get pushed around. She is not afraid or worried, but quietly trusts in the Lord. She is not perfect, and neither am I, but we are both willing to allow God to work in us, through each other. That is what marriage is about: God takes two people and binds them together into one, and they begin to become more like Christ, because they have each other as an example of Christ and His love. You think as a single person that your way is the best way, and when you get married you find out that it is not, and God opens your eyes to see that He works in so many different ways. Kelsi, my wife, is so much like Christ, and I know that I would not be the man I am today, without her.
So, yes, life has gone on. We have been ok, but I could not look you straight in the face and tell you that my life is at all close to being great. I think most husbands would agree, my life on the inside is a train wreck when she is away. My desire to do anything slowly fades. Who do I share my experiences with, day to day? My partner in crime is not around...
My life is about pleasing God and glorifying Him, loving my wife the way Christ loves the church (you know that He is longing to be reunited with us), being a father to my daughters in the same way that God is a father to me, and loving others, even those that do not treat me well, especially those that don't treat me well. I love my wife more than any other person on the planet, even though there are some close seconds--like the two that are asleep in their beds right now, and the one that will be in my wife's arms when she returns in five days, three hours, and thirty minutes. She is the one that I choose to spend the rest of my life with, and the one that God created just for me. I do not claim to understand heaven. I know that Jesus said in heaven we will not be married or get married, but I wonder if I will remember Kelsi as my wife, in heaven. I don't know how our memory will work. I know that there will be no more tears in heaven and no more sin, so there will be some part of my time here on earth that I will not remember, but I hope that I get to recall this beautiful blessing and how she impacted my life on earth, so I can thank God to His face for creating such a perfect helper for me and praise Him for being a good God. Thank God for giving me such a great wife. Oy! I can't wait to kiss her when she gets back, I miss her like crazy!
Ok. Mushy-gushy over. Have a good day, everyone! I am going to sleep one of the five more sleeps I have to, before my wife is laying next to me again.
BecauseHeLives,
Micah.
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